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Thursday, June 6, 2013

A Day in the Life of My Computer...

*waves frantically* Hi. I'm Tara S. Wood, and I have been graciously asked to post from time to time on this fabulous new blog. For my first post, I thought I would take a moment an give you all a glimpse into the inner workings of my fevered little brain. If my computer was sentient (and sometimes I'm not so sure it isn't), I have a feeling this is probably what it would be thinking when I sit down to write. Or maybe this is my subconscious talking, poking me in a not-so-subtle fashion to gasp and point in horror. Either way, here you go. *raises coffee cup* Cheers.

A Day in the Life of Tara's Computer

*boots up* Oh...good morning. Let's see what the day has in store for us.

*click* Ah...Firefox, my old nemesis. Are we going to crash today? *frowns* Not on my watch. *typing* Yep. Weather Okay, let me load that for you. What's the weather like today? Clear and sunny, but a bit chilly. Violet will need a jacket today.

*click* *typing* Time for the school lunch menu. No. The child won't eat spaghetti. Off you go...make her a sandwich. *waits* Time for school!! See you when you get back. Don't forget the dry cleaning on the way out. *powers down*

*boots up* Back already? That was quick. Okay, where to? *typing* Really? Facebook? You should start with your emails. Might be something important in your inbox. No. Really. I know what's in there. Came in early this morning. *stage whisper* It's from the UK. *waits* Come on! You'll kick yourself if you don't go over now. *groans* Yes, yes. The Grumpy Cat is hilarious, but there's something from Moon Rose Publishing in your inbox! You've been waiting for this! You can look at Tardar Sauce anytime. That cat's all over the internet. 

*typing* NO! Don't start chatting with her now! She has emails to check. *growls* I should refuse to refresh the chat window. I might on general principle. What? Don't mention Tom Hiddleston! I'm trying to keep her on track! GAH! These people. *typing* Finally! Why, yes, I will load your Hotmail.

*click* *tense waiting* YES! A new contract from Moon Rose Publishing! Yay, you! *click* 
*typing* Yes, yes...let's tell everyone in chat about it. *stutters* Okay, okay! *loads barrage of chat messages* My goodness, they're all excited for you. You really do have lovely friends. 

*typing* Oh, hugs all around. *waits* What? Where are you going? *checks time* Oh, No wonder. You're not firing on all cylinders yet. See you in a few.

*click* *typing* Riiiight. Here we go. *flexes circuits* Down to business. Let's open that file, shall we? Well, go on. Pick one. *mouse hovers over filename* No. Not that one. You know what you're supposed to be working on. Don't get sidetracked by a shiny new project. *waits* *double click* Good choice. I want to see what happens with this one. *typing* *settles in* Yes, I've been waiting for you to finish this scene. Angst and UST. Nothing gets this motherboard hopping like some unresolved sexual tension. *grins* Keep going. I like where you're headed. 

*typing* Oh...oh...I see we're resolving it. Oh, my. *click* *typing* What? Okay, fine. Seriously? That's how many synonyms there are for 'hot'? *waits* *click* *typing* Going with 'fiery', are we? Might be a touch overdramatic, but then again, I'm not the writer. Okay, 'fiery' it is. So, what's 'fiery'? Oh...oh...*oh*. Well, I...uh, okay. *typing* Are you sure? *typing* This is getting serious. Okay, hold on. Backtrack. *delete* Right? She can't speak with his tongue in her mouth. There you go. Move him to her neck. Better. *typing* Oh, now he's whispering in her ear. *gasp* He didn't just say that! He did. Oh, she liked it. Wow...she really liked it. Moving on.

*typing* Keep this up and I'll overheat. Explain that to the hubs. *click* *typing* Where to? Not here again. *skeptical frown* This better be for research. Good thing your anti-virus is up to date. I'm not getting friendly with more spyware. *waits* Find what you were looking for? Hurry...I'm getting chatted up by porn servers. No, thank you. Just because we're browsing less than vanilla jargon doesn't mean we need streaming XXX content. Ew.

*click* *typing* Finally. You do realize at some point we're going to have to talk about your browser history? You may or may not already be on a government watch list. Just saying. 

*click* *typing* Right. Back to work. Hang on. No. That's not right. Take another look at that. Simple physics. *delete* *typing* Much better. Real people don't contort like that, I don't care how bendy you are. *typing* Oh...oh...and they're done. Well, that was...vigorous. *click* Yes. Save ALL of that. Bravo.

Oh, so we're all done for now? Okay. Go take care of the laundry. Vacuum something. And, for the love of all that is holy, call your husband! I have a sudden need for that man to de-frag my hard drive. SOON.

About me: Tara S. Wood is a multi-published author of paranormal and fantasy romance, dividing her time between creating domestic bliss and havoc in her readers' hearts. When not playing June Cleaver for her hubby and daughter, she can be found at the local Starbucks slamming back Frappuccino's and plotting out her next idea. Either that, or she's watching the BBC getting her Doctor Who and Sherlock fix. Tara resides with her wonderful and tolerant family in the suburbs of Houston, Texas and is currently at work on several projects.

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